The Greasy Rag

It’s smut, it’s trash, it’s a terrible show, but I do watch The Bachelor from time to time. And this week I was glad I did because I watched one of the best reality television moments of all time: the Allie G meltdown. I know that reality television is script blocked, but I don’t think the producers could have scripted one of the contestants saying that she “is ready to reproduce”. When she didn’t get chosen she had to storm over to the bachelor and demand to know why he didn’t give her a rose. “Is it because I’m short?… what is it?”

“Well, you said you wanted to reproduce and I’m not really there yet” (I’m paraphrasing his actual words). Then Allie went off to the camera and the producers about what a shallow guy he was and how he should have picked her because she’s a doctor and she sacrificed her life for her career. The best line of the evening: “I’ve tried everything and nothing works: the internet, dating services, and now this show… nothing works! Men are pigs!”

How could you embarass yourself on national television? Aren’t you aware what you’re saying when there is a camera in your face? That episode ranks up there with the final night of the first survivor.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 5:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After a few weeks of absolutely NOTHING on television, I'm now hooked on a new reality television series: Hells Kitchen. Can you imagine given the chance to learn cooking from the best chef in England and then be given your own restaurant to run? All you have to do is learn and endure a few weeks of a guy yelling at you constantly. That's what people do in boot camp right? Heck, I would do it gladly.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 9:45 PM | Permalink

Yes, I am an addict. I need some way to counteract the countless episodes of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette that I watched so I started watching The Contender. It's action-packed and it's great boxing. It's also refreshing that the participants aren't all superficial, spoiled brats.

The show seems to focus on family values and spiritual values. I read Alfonso Gomez's bio and it reminded me why this is such an incredible country. It's because we draw the best and the brightest who are determined to succeed.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 6:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (49)

I turned on the television tonight to find that my wife was recording "The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All". I was hoping to watch The Simpsons but I kept watching because I had just cooked dinner and I don't like eating in silence.

This show is so unnatural because you have a bunch of heterosexual guys sitting around talking about their feelings. I suppose it's a woman's dream, but it's a man's worst nightmare.

"So how did you feel when she rejected you?"

"Well, honestly, I felt sadness deep down but after I had a good cry I decided to carry on."

"Well said, brother."

This is NOT reality.

Every contestant on the show has to have their thing. One guy is the jerk, another the player, another is french (and suspected to be gay). There were two guys on the show who were virgins - that was their thing. I knew it wasn't common these days to save yourself until marriage, but from watching the show you'd think being a virgin was akin to being a Raelian. One of the guys defended himself by saying that his body is not a carnival ride. I suppose this means that he respects himself more than to give himself up to any woman that won't commit to being with him for life (I think that puts the idea better). The host threw in a response just before the commercial break saying, "What if you get married and find out that it's as fun as a carnival ride and you've been missing out?" [cut to commercial]

I hate ABC. What the heck is wrong with them? It's one thing to make decisions that you know, deep down, are not the best decisions in life. God wants to forgive us because he understands that life is difficult and that we're not perfect. It's a whole new level when you make fun of people who keep high moral standards. That's crossing the line. Suppose the religious people are right and there is a heaven. You die, you're standing before God trying to explain yourself to him and he says to you, "Have you obeyed me?" What do you say? What could you say? Nothing. You can't defend yourself in the least because not only have you broken his laws, but you made fun of the ones that kept them. And they say Christians are judgemental.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 8:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My faith in reality-TV was restored tonight while I was watching The Bachelor. After being completely, and foolishly, duped by the editors of Survivor Amazon, I decided that reality-TV, was not exactly real. The events you saw were events that actually took place, but sliced up in such a way that reality was completely distorted. It's like cutting up a long breakup letter that an ex-girlfriend has written you and re-arranging the words so that it looks like a confession of love.

Tonight, however, there was an actual confession of love by Andrew Firestone. It's what I saw coming the whole time which is exactly why I thought it must be the opposite behind the cameras. I assumed that the editors were duping us into thinking that Kirstin was an unintelligible bimbo with fake eyelashes and a baked-on tan. Nothing more. "There has to be more to her and they're just not showing it to me," I kept reminding myself. I figured America's Sweetheart, Jen, probably said some rude and disturbing things behind the cameras to the Firestone matriarch. I was wrong.

May I be so bold as to admit that I was deeply touched by Andrew's proposal tonight? It wasn't just that he actually proposed instead of just giving us that fake line about continuing to get to know each other first. I was touched because it reminded me a lot of when I proposed marriage to my wife. With lip quivering and voice cracking, I stammered out what I think were some halfway-romantic words. Not that it mattered what I said because Megan couldn't hear me anyway. She was in a dark tunnel just concentrating on walking towards the light: that, oh so short and distant "yes". She didn't quite make it all the way and so she interrupted me with three loud bursts of "yes, yes, yes!" It was the sort of performance I saw tonight and if they didn't truly love each other then, well, I'm still happy for them because I'm sure some hot-shot director in Hollywood will have recognized their star performance and will get them into the next romantic comedy about two people who hate each other and fall in love despite their vastly different lifestyles.

My faith in reality-TV has been restored. Thank you, Andrew and Jen.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 11:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (40)