The Greasy Rag

I’ve had a number of conversations and experiences recently that have caused me to wonder, “what is my faith based on?” If you’ve read any of my recent posts on faith, science, and systematic theology, you’ll know that I’ve become frustrated with systems of theology that have cropped up since the reformation. I’ve questioned whether belief in a system of belief is truly faith. I’ve observed how people build up walls around themselves with their beliefs and close themselves off to considering new ideas or new ways of thinking.

I began to think about my own journey of faith and the points along the way that form the bedrock of the faith I have today…

I was born in Guatemala as a missionary kid in the primitive Mam indian tribe. My first real memories, though, were in the San Diego area where my dad was a pastor for 20 years. You could say I was born into faith since I accepted that God exists and the message of Christianity since I can remember. I never really went through a period of rebellion from that belief. That’s because of a miracle that I experienced. When I was 14 I began to struggle with serious depression. Not many people knew that I suffered silently and deeply with thoughts that I was completely worthless and should consider ending my own life. About two years later, I was in the mountains and I could bare it no longer. I went for a hike and I ran to the top of the highest ridge around screaming at God. Finally I sat down on some rocks on a hillside and I gave up my anger and softly asked God, “if you can do anything with me, do it, I give up.”

Exhausted, I laid down. Using my Bible that I had pulled from my pocket as a pillow, I fell asleep. When I awoke, I opened my Bible to a random spot and I read the first words on the page:

I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loves me and delivered himself up for me. (Gal 2:20)

I’m sure I had read the verse dozens of times and even memorized it with a song. I understood it in a new way, though. That day, God was speaking to me telling me, “yes, you are right. In the eyes of humanity, you are not worth much. You are weak, small, poorly spoken, unathletic, and unattractive. But I have made you for other purposes and when you have died to yourself, you will live for me.” I received the same call that Peter received when he was on the shore with his boat and his nets — “follow me”, and I answered.

My depression was gone. I was to struggle with it from time to time in the next few years, but it never had a hold in me as it had before that day. Of course, I would love to say that I have been a saint since then, but it has been a cycle of following God and periods of disinterest in God. There have been long stretches of my life when I have largely ignored God. I have had a few experiences, though, since then that have deepened my faith.

The summer before I started college, I spent 6 weeks teaching English in Uzbekistan. While I was there, I was meeting students and building relationships with those who might have a deeper interest in God. After the soviet era, atheism is the norm there and freedom of religion is a foreign concept. Churches have to register with the state and get routinely shut down as soon as they grow to a hundred members or so. Our phones were tapped and KGB plants were students in our classes. We were even hauled in to the police station for questioning on one occasion. It was a very difficult time and I wondered if there was any point in my being there. Near the end of my time, a student pulled me aside and told me so much of her life story that it made me uncomfortable. She had been molested by a teacher when she was young and it drove her into a pattern of sleeping with older men. She was consumed by it and though she felt bad and had wanted to escape, she couldn’t. She told me that after seeing my faith, she completely gave up and asked God to rescue her. She told me that this had happened near the beginning of my time there and she had been freed from her self-loathing and addiction to sex. She has since focused her life on reaching out to atheistic students in a country that severely persecutes any form of proselytism.

A few years later I spent 4 months in France as an art student. I had been studying french for 8 years and it was a delight to finally learn to speak French in-context. I hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to live with the other students there, though. Everyone was there for different reasons, but most were escaping a life back home and were jaded and angry. Few of my classmates ever wanted to leave our building which had a restaurant inside. It was party-time for them. I was not going to waste the opportunity to dive into the art, culture, and language so I found myself largely alone most days. In my distress, I learned to pray in a way that I hadn’t before. I began to pray for 1/2 hour, one hour, sometimes two hours at a time. I began to converse with God — sharing my thoughts and struggles and then listening for His response.

One night after about 2 hours in prayer, I began to pray for the other students. There was one in particular that I avoided. I remember meeting her at orientation and sensing deep anger. I remember saying to myself that I wouldn’t be spending much time with her. As I prayed for practically every student but her, I heard God speak to me so clearly that it may as well have been an audible voice: “Talk to Amy about me.”

“No,” I said, “she’s too angry, she’ll never listen.”

“Talk to her”

“What am I supposed to say? I never talk to her?”

“Talk to her”

I got frustrated, said my “amen” and walked down to the cafe for some food. When I came back up to my room I couldn’t believe my eyes. Amy was sitting on the ground with her back leaning against my door smoking a cigarette. Of course I remembered my earlier conversation but I still had no idea what to do or say. What could I do? She was leaning against my door.

“How’s it going Amy?”

“You’re a christian right?”

“yyyeah.”

“What do you think happens to people when they die that never have a chance to hear anything about Jesus?”

We spoke for over an hour as Amy shared with me that she had gone to church when she was younger but was treated very badly by her parents. She told me that she had so much anger in her heart and she didn’t know what to do. I simply shared with her some of my story that I’m sharing in this post. Our conversation ended with her in tears thanking me for being open with her. A few days later, she told me that she had prayed for the first time in a long time and asked God to take her anger away and had felt rejuvenated.

The most significant faith-building experiences in the last several years have come during my trips to Nepal. My wife and I got involved there in early 2006 when we were headed to India, via Kathmandu. The government collapsed while we were there and the phones, internet, newspapers, television, and air-travel were shut down by the king who put all of the senators in prison. It was an opportunity to shift our attention to the plight of Nepal and we felt God asking us to stay there and come back there. Spending time with Christians there, I realized that the Christianity in America is lightweight. When we read about Jesus promising persecution, we take it to mean that our bank account might run a little thin at times or we may get some sneers at work if people find out we go to church. In Nepal, persecution means prison or death. Udaya, a man with whom I have become close friends, was imprisoned for his faith. I also found that, for some reason, God seems to work startling miracles there on a regular basis. I’ve met many Christians and only a few did not come to Christian faith by way of a miracle.

It was at a temple in Kathmandu that I saw a demon-possessed boy. I doubt I could even describe it well, but it was so clear that demons speaking through this boy. He was following a group of us around the temple, as we walked away from him. He was screaming the most agonizing, angry screams I have ever heard. Mid-scream he would switch to raucous laughter that made him double over and grab his stomach. Then, with no transition, he would switch back to angry screaming. I’ve never been someone who thinks much of any world but the physical world. I’m not someone who sees a demon behind every rock. That day, though, I knew that there was a spiritual realm apart from the physical realm.

On this trip, we had planned to help out an orphanage by planting a lawn in the front yard. I’ve put down sod before so I figured it would be a few hours and we would be on our way. I didn’t know that the soil is the most hard, clumpy, clay soil and the sod was really 1 ft x 1 ft tiles of grass. In order to make any kind of a decent lawn that these kids could play on, we were going to have to level and pulverize this field with no power tools. The Nepalis have a strange system of dual-shoveling where one person wields the shovel while the other pulls it down with a rope attached to the handle. A guy came to help that seemed to be in his early 20’s. I don’t speak the language so I didn’t really know what he was doing there, but I didn’t refuse the help. We tried to communicate through hand motions and smiles, but we gave that up after a while and worked for several hours in silence.

A year and a half later, on my third trip to Nepal, I met that young man again. He had, had a difficult life and knew Udaya, who runs the orphanage. Udaya was attempting to convince him to leave Hinduism and try Christianity. The man told me that after spending those few hours working with me and seeing the way that the other Christians and I treated each other, he decided to become a Christian. He had just taken his medical exams and was awaiting confirmation that he was a medical doctor. The prospects for doctors is pretty bad in Nepal and almost all doctors with training go to India or other countries to establish their practice. He, however, was going to go to the poorest tribes in Nepal to help with the squalid conditions. What had I done to influence this man but dig with a shovel?

I could share more stories from my life and I’m sure many others could add comments to this post (and I hope you do) with other stories of faith. My point is that faith is not built on head knowledge of Christianity or theology or some tract. Faith is built on experience with God.

I’ve also learned that God does what he wants. There is no recipe for finding him and no common path that all must walk. Our only path to God is walking the path of humanity and attempting to seek God out. When God chooses, he will reveal Himself to us.

When I begin to doubt things I believe or question the evils of the world, I have experience with God to fall back on. I have the faith of others who share their stories. I have the faith of my wife and the innocence of my Children to remind me that God is there. I don’t understand what he’s doing and I wrestle with injustices in the world but I believe in a merciful God who is mysterious and too complex to comprehend.

The skeptic or the over-thinking mind can call me foolish or tell me things to dissuade me from believing in God. I try to consider everything that is presented to me with an open mind. But I can’t imagine a fact or a theory so convincing that it would cause me to abandon the powerful experiences that I have had with God over my 32 years of life.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 9:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I wrote a post a few weeks ago that has become the highest read post on this blog. The comments are getting quite lengthy and my response to the last comment was getting a little long for a comment so I figure it makes a good post of its own. If you haven’t read the previous post where I heretically claim that from nothing to a flourishing planet suitable for humans took a lot longer than 6 days and follow it up with an equally (if not more so) heretical claim that systematic theology isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

My friend, Brandon, suggests that science or making determinations based on the 5 senses is flawed and what we really should be looking at is the underlying laws which govern our world. To which I respond:

I think I agree with you and disagree at the same time. I’ve not really thought of it that way before, though. What is strange about the kind of science that is looking at how the world was created, though, is that it is reversed from the way that typical science is carried out. Typically, you observe something, you come up with a hypothesis, and then you test that hypothesis. When you are considering how the world began, you have to make an imaginative leap and then hope that someone will discover something that proves you right. That imaginative leap isn’t a wild guess, though, it comes from a mind that can know all the facts and have an intimate understanding of the way things work (the “laws” that Brandon referred to). I am absolutely in awe of the observations that Einstein made about light, space, and time. He was a brilliant physicist who spend a lifetime pondering these things.

That’s why I don’t have as much of a distinction between science and religion as evangelicals do. I have a much more integrated view of the world. I try to imagine (a futile effort, I admit) how an all-knowing, all-powerful God could have created the universe. I think about the creation account in Genesis 1 and wonder what it would have actually looked like and what scientific thought might have to say about that. I marvel at the way the universe works and wonder what kind of God would have created it?

You have the typical evangelical 6-day creation which assumes that things went from nothing to looking a lot like today with less buildings very quickly. This view requires you to believe that God created a world in a manner that contrasted the very laws that governed our world. Could we have a working atmosphere without the sun and the moon? When there were no stars, was our solar system not in gravitational balance with any other objects in the universe? When there was no day and night, was the earth not spinning? Was there excess water on the earth that disappeared from our atmosphere when the waters receded? You almost have to throw out everything except the text itself if you’re going to subscribe to this understanding of creation.

I don’t exactly know how the universe was formed, but I have to say that it seems much more plausible that God would have created everything that governs our universe first. Modern science assumes that the laws that govern our universe have always been while evangelicals assume that God worked outside the laws he set up — which of course could be if he is God. You do run into the “can God make a rock so big he can’t lift it” kind of question here, but I am not going to get into that. It seems more consistent that God would have all the matter in the universe set up — with all the laws that govern the universe in tact. In one, single, moment of creation all of the elements in the universe are formed in a matter of minutes while matter is blown forth into a rapidly expanding universe. I think the idea that God would create matter and, as such, the laws which govern our universe and then speak that process into existence makes some Christians feel like it’s somehow a “lesser” creation. In my mind, this would be so much more glorious. A God who created the heavens and the earth is certainly glorious. But a God who created magnetism, energy, gravity, atomic physics, particle attraction, and the like as a means to form and govern a universe that works to produce and earth that sustains life and, ultimately, humans with a divine nature is barely fathomable.

Of course, your response may be that just because I wish it to be true doesn’t make it so to which I would respond that just because you wish for it NOT to be true doesn’t make it unso. What we’re left with is the ability to look at everything we see around us, experience, history, scripture, feel touch, etc. in order to make our best guess about how we might have gotten here. I suppose it can seem flawed to rely on our senses except that it is the only means by which we have to reason the laws that govern everything that affects our senses. How would we know right and wrong without pain and guilt? How would we know gravity without falling? How would we know God without an intense, built-in longing to know Him? Even Christ used everyday experiences to communicate the truths of the Kingdom of God.

Of course, evolution with regards to speciation is a much more difficult concept to believe. Darwin’s theory seems to be on much shakier ground because the scientific evidence hasn’t poured in - in the way that it should have. I have to wonder how an eye, with it’s complex and dependent systems, would form with only genetic mutation to drive its formation? Even more strongly, I have to wonder why altruism, art, self-sacrifice, and the ability to act against instinct would form in humans as a result of genetic mutation? It just doesn’t add up. Christians make the mistake, however, of disavowing anything but the 6-day creation when they encounter these problems with evolution. They make the exact, same mistake that Darwinists make when they defend something that seems implausible and in no way has to be true for the sake of each sides perspective religions (I’m speaking of Christianity and Atheism as religions).

A Calvinist might read my post and think about the chaos that this kind of thinking produces. How can we have any sort of road map if we’re not sure where to roads lead? You have to have a literal, scientific interpretation of Scripture or else all of our knowledge and philosophy would descend into chaos. I am of the mind that we are already in chaos in the sense that we, despite our best efforts, don’t have a good understanding of who God is. I have come to that conclusion after years of studying the doctrines, the theologies, the philosophies, and the catch-phrases. What’s worse, is that the parts about God that we do understand, we ignore. We actually use the very systems that were designed to help us hold fast to an understanding about God to keep God at a distance.

What we know about God is that he is a mystery. What we know is that He chooses when and how to reveal himself to us. What we know is that He has revealed himself to us in scriptures, ultimately, in the life of Jesus Christ - the human form of God on earth. We should start there. The kind of life that Jesus lived and taught is more like Mother Theresa than Rick Warren (ooh, I’m definitely going to get misunderstood on that one!). I mean that for all the talk and the philosophy and the “understanding”, we are called to do simple but difficult tasks: Love God, love our neighbor, give to the poor, be kind to our enemies, don’t judge. If a person only did these 5 things, they would be so much closer to God’s intent than the straight-A seminary student (assuming the student hasn’t also mastered the commands I listed). But the systems would decry my statement saying that it’s not enough to do these things. You have to understand what you’re doing or else it doesn’t count. This attitude, in my understanding of Scripture, is not supported by Scripture. Jesus talked about faith like a child. When Jesus said it was more blessed to believe and not see, he was speaking of child-like faith. For of those who can simply obey without understanding dispensationalism or predestination or the inner-workings of the trinity, God is pleased.

Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with knowledge. I am arguing, though, against an attitude of close-mindedness of which the creation issue is just an illustration. To have set up a system of understanding which claims to have figured it all out and close the doors on new ideas or ways of looking at things is to cease to strive to know God. How can God be known? “Who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?” (I Cor 2:16)

God has revealed himself to us in Scripture. In this way, you could argue that we are learning apart from our senses. My two problems with that argument are as follows: 1) I don’t think we escape our senses when we read or attempt to understand scripture 2) I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to say that God hasn’t fully revealed himself to us through scripture. Why would he give us the Holy Spirit if everything was already revealed. There is more left to discover about God and that is what makes the Christian journey exciting and rewarding. God “reveals his secrets to those who love him” is one of my favorite verses in the Bible.

We should not think that we have a handle on predestination or communion or baptism, but rather be passionate in our striving to know Christ and be like Christ. If we’re wrong about a particular idea or theory then so be it, but we need to recognize that it’s highly improbably that Calvin or Wesley has figured it all out for us.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 1:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Following is an email response to a friend that I thought would make a good blog entry. It’s my desire that this sparks discussion both on this blog and elsewhere. Questions of faith, science, and doctrine are extremely important in our day and I have pondered much on these questions:

I have also thrown out the Christianity that America has largely been pushing for the last 60 years which, I believe, is not actually Christianity at all — at least its not a very good representation of it.

As for parts of the Bible being, “optional”, I’m not sure that’s a good way to look at it. Different texts have different purposes and different ways that they should be interpreted. I know that sounds like a “choice” but it’s not an uneducated one. For example, most Christians do not interpret Revelations literally and yet they interpret the Hebrew mythology in Genesis 1 literally. God has chosen to work through the Jewish people in their history, culture, and other facets of who they are as a people. This means that their story of Creation has key points about it that God wanted to use to describe the key pieces of creation. This may sound outrageous — that God might allow an errant understanding of the story of creation in his holy scriptures. But think of the alternative. Let’s assume that Einstein and LeMaitre are correct. Does God need to provide the theorey of relativity and the history of the Universe in Genesis 1 in order to keep the scriptures from being inerrant? I think it’s much better for God to work with Mankind in its current understanding to explain the concepts of God. He chose a culture to work within to not only reveal aspects of who he is, but to transform mankind as a whole. The world is not the same because of Abraham responding to God’s call in faith and leaving the world’s only metropolis to go to a primitive (even by the day’s standards) land and begin a new culture that God would establish his values through. It’s difficult to deny that Judeo-Christian values have transformed (and continue to transform) all of humanity. Though we may choose to leave Christianity, it’s difficult to leave it behind completely because it has permeated all of modern culture to the point that Christianity is seeming like it has less to offer that’s different from the surrounding culture. But that is because Christians, fattened by a prosperous society, have lost the understanding of what Christianity is. If you read the words of Jesus absent from the burden of running everything through our theological filters, you a simple message: Love God and Love your neighbor. Though this sounds simple, Jesus showed what he meant to such an extreme that it is unpalatable even to Christians in our time. Jesus hung out with the hookers and drug dealers of his day and said that they were the only ones willing to truly listen to his message. I think he is saying the same thing in our day — the leaders of the churches, seminaries, and Christian magazines have, largely, ignored the message of Christ and focused on ancillary social and political issues.

I hope you don’t think that I’m being judgemental, for I know that faith is a personal matter and a journey that all of us must travel. I just want to provide a different perspective from someone who has wrestled with similar thoughts and feelings and frustrations and decided not to leave Christianity because “Christians” have gotten it wrong.

The “four spiritual laws” are the epitome of what our modern American Christian culture have done to Christianity. If you look at the words of Christ, more often than not he spoke of those who will be with him in heaven as those who have helped the needy. Should this be added as a 5th law? No, the Christian faith is not a “recipe”, nor is it a “relationship”. The Christian faith is a journey to understand the kind of humanity that God intended for us — not one that simply follows our animal instincts, but one that rises above Darwin’s view of humanity to show us that among all the animals on earth (ones that I believe have evolved), there is a divine component that has been imbued into humans and God wants to show us to live as humans (diving beings), not as animals.

The Church, throughout time, has resisted scientific progress — as if they are afraid that it might reveal that God does not, in fact, exist. But that is just fear and a lack of faith. The believers who have searched, honestly, for how God’s creation works and how it may have been created are heroes of my faith for me. Capernicus, Gallileo, LeMaitre, and Polkinghorne have faith in God that does not depend on a young earth or a 6-day creation. Their faith rests on something much deeper. I want a deeper faith. I want a more sacrificial life. No amount of doctrine or dogma will make me closer to the human being that God created me to be. Only faith and action will bring me there.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 9:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

I was eating breakfast at work today when a man in a wheelchair struggled to make his way up the sidewalk past my office. I made eye contact with him and quickly turned my eyes away, not wanting to make him feel uneasy. He would make a few feet and then stop and rub his legs in either cold or pain. It had been raining all night and I guessed he was soaked through. Finally I couldn’t sit and watch without offering help. I went outside and asked him, “can I do anything for you?” He just looked and me and looked away and sighed. “You look cold. Can I help?”

“I’m just homeless, you know?”

“I’m sorry. I’d like to get you out of the cold. Can I get you to the St. Francis Center? It’s nearby.”

“I was trying to get there.”

“Let me help you get out the cold, man, it’s been raining all morning.”

“I’m sorry I’m all wet.”

“I don’t mind, let’s just get you inside.” His wheelchair didn’t have handles so I had to push behind him which, I’m sure, made him feel awkward. But he accepted my help because there was nothing else for him to do. Though it was only a few blocks, in his condition, it would have taken at least 1/2 an hour more in the rain.

All day, I couldn’t shake the helplessness of this man who was so demoralized and broken and cold. There are lots of homeless people around my office, but most of them are crackheads, alcoholics, and hookers. I don’t mean to say that they are to be pitied any less, but its so sad to see a grown man who is not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, just helpless and cold.

God has been prompting me for some time to volunteer at the St. Francis Center. From today’s encounter, I sensed God saying to me, “Behold, your neighbor.”

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 6:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Fr. Andy delivered an incredibly challenging and refreshing homily (links to the mp3 download if you want to listen) on forgiveness. He opened by talking about the school shooting in the Amish school in 2006. I had heard some of the grace that the Amish community displayed but I hadn’t heard that they went that very evening to the family of the shooter (who had shot himself) and offered dinner and forgiveness.

Fr. Andy explained that the Amish believe that the center of Jesus’ teaching was forgiveness. They believe this to such an extreme that they believe that God will not forgive you if you do not forgive others. When I think about it certainly seems consistent with Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness and Paul’s writings on the subject. When you stop to ponder the implications of this belief, it’s a terrifying prospect to think that God might not extend his grace to you because you held a grudge against someone. It certainly doesn’t fit with the “God is your buddy” theology that I seem to be moving away from in my own thinking.

The homily challenged us to think of everyone that we needed to forgive and also everyone that we needed to ask for forgiveness from and take the necessary steps to make things right. I certainly have many people that I would like forgiveness from but the foremost thought in my head was my attitude towards the management at my work over a completely trivial matter. Recently, my boss and other management have been really frustrated over the lack of cleanliness of the kitchen at work. To combat the problem, they installed a camera to monitor who was leaving dirty dishes, etc. I immediately took offense to this and fired off a snide email. I felt that I work a bunch of overtime sacrificing my family and management is only concerned about who is leaving dirty dishes in the sink. I had really worked this up into a more fundamental problem at work. But after today’s eucharist, I realized that I was being prideful and, especially as a manager, I needed to be a servant. I sent an email of apology for my snide email and went into work over the weekend to completely clean the kitchen. I also sent an email to the other managers to organize a schedule where each dept. would be responsible for cleaning the kitchen for a week.

What was interesting is that I found myself trying to think of all kinds of ways that I could serve the people I work with beyond kitchen cleanliness. I realize that each day I have the choice to be selfish and cynical or be a servant and that once I begin to make the choice one way or the other, it tends to feed itself no matter which way I choose. I want to choose to be a servant.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 8:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are a few guys on television that I really admire: One is Peter Budaj of the Colorado Avalanche. Another is Bear Grylls of Man vs. Wild.

As a guy, if you consider yourself a man’s man, you always think in the back of your mind that if you were stuck on a glacier in Patagonia that you could survive. Bear Grylls is the representation of what we would be like if we didn’t have to work for a living. On top of making me feel like a tough guy, I always admired the deeper emotion and attitude that Bear will reveal from time to time. Tonight I was watching the latest Man v Wild when Bear said that in his loneliest and darkest times, his Christian faith is what has kept him going and has been his “backbone”.

How true it is that the best survivors, when we are cold & lonely still find that no matter how strong we are, we need God. It seems pithy and trite to say, and our culture is vehemently against it, but there is no way of honestly living an entire human life without realizing that we need God.

There’s a scene in the movie “The Big Kahuna” when Danny Devito’s character (a depressed salesman contemplating suicide) asks Kevin Spaceys character if he wonders about God. Spacey’s character quickly goes into a diatribe about how there’s no point in thinking about God because all we have is the here and now.

“But you still think about him don’t you?” Devito asks.

“Of course” Spacey replies, “I’m human.”

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 12:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

In the story, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader” by C.S. Lewis, a character named Edmund turns into a dragon by virtue of his greed. He soon finds it a terrible and lonely transformation and wishes desperately to be changed back into an innocent little boy. The lion Aslan meets him near a spring and tells him to take off his skin. Realizing that he can scratch away his skin like a molting snake, Edmund begins to claw away at himself until he has removed several layers of his skin. He finds, however, that he cannot remove the last layer that stands between him and his former self. Aslan looks at him softly and explains that he must remove the last layer as he holds out a long, sharp claw. Lewis described it as a good kind of pain and after washing in a nearby pool, Edmund is returned to his boyhood self.

The pastor at Christ Church spoke on the same topic on Sunday when he described what it was like for a silversmith to refine silver in the fire. The best silversmith will hold the silver in the fire until he can see his own reflection, Fr. Andy explained.

I’ve always wondered if we have to concentrate on making ourselves right before we can feel closer to God or if we should come to him broken and let him fix us. There’s something to be said for both. What I do know is that God has to be the one to refine us, to discipline us, and to bring our sins to the light so that we can be transformed into our true and righteous selves. It’s a good kind of pain that the culture around us tells us to avoid. Until we admit our weaknesses and allow them to come out into the open, we cannot be transformed by God.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 12:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was standing in church today singing a hymn and I realized how much I absolutely love traditional hymns. About 15 years ago churches all over America began adopting “contemporary” worship and abandoning the organ. At the time I really hated singing hymns because I was 15 and it just seemed so old fashioned.

Something changed for me, though, after I really felt abandoned by my young, hip church that had a worship band better than most concerts you could attend on the weekend. Suddenly I didn’t want the hip and cool, I just wanted a mature church to be a part. I found that in the Episcopal church and I found a lot of other great things that I wasn’t looking for. The best thing that I found there is a connection to Christians who worshiped centuries before me. There’s something very comforting to the fact that my faith is not the latest fad. Instead, it’s a time-tested faith and there are many who have gone before us to write down the essence of this faith in words, prayer, and song. As I was singing one of the most popular traditional hymns this morning, something struck me about the words:

All hail the pow’r of Jesus’ Name! Let angels prostrate fall; Bring forth the royal diadem, And crown Him Lord of all;

These words are about glorifying God. It doesn’t seem that profound to say, but most of the “contemporary” songs are not about glorifying God, they are about asking God to make us feel good about ourselves. Of course, these are only generalizations but it illustrates the transition that I’m making in my faith: moving out of a self-help type faith to one that focuses on worshipping God in all his glory. When I am singing with the full organ, I feel much more like I am in the presence of God than in my own living room.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 4:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I grew up in a faith that placed most of its emphasis on recognition of sin and accepting redemption. It is a beautiful message that God has become one of us in order to save us from our own humanity. The difficulty, for me, came when I began to look at the world and its problems and tried to think about what my faith said about these things. The faith who’s sole emphasis is individual confession of sin and redemption says that those who are suffering should be told the message of Jesus Christ and they will have their souls taken care of so at least they will have a better life on the next go around. I’ve found that as I grow older, this simply is not a satisfying answer to the suffering of the world.

Then I think about Jesus and what he preached. Did he not tell his followers to take care of the world’s poor and outcast and needy? In fact, when I think over the many verses that I have memorized (at least the ones that Jesus spoke), it occurs to me that almost all of Jesus’ teaching emphasized taking care of the poor.

There is the parable of the good Samaritan in which Jesus was explaining the Jewish teaching of “love thy neighbor”. He was answering the question “who is my neighbor” by introducing two characters who, in the custom of the day, would have despised one another. Actually, it was the victim in the story who should have despised the hero in the story were it not for the fact that representatives from each of the groups that should have been on his side left him for dead. It was the despised Samaritan who not only stopped to help, but put his finances and reputation on the line to help out this desperate man. Jesus concludes with the simple, yet brilliant question, “which one do you think was the neighbor?” And of course, as he often did, replied to the obvious answer, “then go and do likewise.”

Then there is the parable of the sheep and the goats in which Jesus describes the qualifications for entrance into heaven saying that God will separate humanity into two groups: one who takes care of the neediest of the world and the other who ignores them. If this were the only passage in the Bible you had access to, you would (of course) conclude that it is the Mother Theresa’s of the world who will be in heaven and not the Jerry Falwells of the world.

Certainly, you could have the opposite emphasis which makes faith nothing more than a feeling of social responsibility. That emphasis would place no emphasis on confession of sin or acceptance of the greatest act of human history: God himself, becoming a man and dying in our place. A church like this would leave its parishioners with no way to deal with their shame and guilt and would impart no sense of grace or mercy but would simply call people to start non-profit organizations. Certainly this type of faith would be lacking something.

Clearly there is a balance, here. God sent his son to die for us so that we could be forgiven of our personal sins as well as the sins of humanity. But Jesus did not die so that we could simply pray a prayer and then feel good about ourselves the rest of our lives. Instead he told his followers to take up their crosses daily. This didn’t mean that we should be simply be good sports about any suffering we go through. It’s another way of Jesus saying, “go and do likewise” after sacrificing his whole being, life, and body for humanity’s sake.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 5:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I used to go to the hip church in town. From time to time, we would incorporate liturgical elements into the service with a blessing here and there and perhaps even a responsive reading. In my own spiritual journey, I have chosen a liturgical worship style at the Episcopal church. I’ve noticed many of my peers choosing churches with a liturgical service. I can really see liturgy becoming a trend in church.

I think I can understand why it would be trendy. With Generation X and Generation Y things have meaning because they are authentic. Authenticity is a hard concept to describe but I think that when people see robes, chalices. and candles, they feel like they are having a more authentic worship experience. I also think that for all it’s hipness and relevance the emerging church has brought God so close to us as to be a buddy. If God is our buddy then who is there to take care of us and run the universe? “High” church services treat God as more holy and sacred.

I think that you could easily argue one form of worship over another, but I really hope that liturgy doesn’t go the way of Cold Play: Nice and refreshing to start off but entirely too repetitive.

To be fair, people have been worshiping this way for centuries, so to call it the new thing is not at all accurate. It’s just that this style of worship has been maligned as “dead” for the last 50 years and to see and even be a part of it’s resurgence is certainly interesting.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 2:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

7 years ago I realized that for all of the Bible knowledge that I had, I knew very little about what it meant to be a Christian. The realization came when I was reading the book of 1 John. I had read the words plenty of times, but I took the words at face value for the first time. It said some terribly convicting things to me and began to redefine what it means to follow Christ with passages such 1 John 3:17-18:

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Growing up, I had seen Christianity as a sort of ladder to be climbed and I saw myself at the top. I was well respected in the church, I knew the Bible backwards and forwards, and I had an answer for most anything someone could ask. 1 John puts Christianity in very simple terms, in fact, one very simple term: LOVE. Until then, the most important thing someone could do (from my perspective) was to pray a prayer to become born again. How they acted after that was important, but nowhere near as important as praying this prayer and calling themselves a Christian. It was even better if they were the right kind of Christian which meant that they were part of the right denomination.

Continue reading "Worship as Theology" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 7:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I left my church three weeks ago. I mentioned in my last post that it was a traumatic experience. Not quite so traumatic, though, as starting over. I’ve tried to explain it to non-churchgoers but they don’t really understand the depth that church plays in the life of a regular-attender. Not only does the church provide context and community but it provides a framework for which to view all events in our lives. In the face of difficulty, one can say, “the church will pray for me.” Even if that church is broken, you still know that the church should be supporting you. When you leave, there’s no one… no support.

I don’t know what initially drew me to the Episcopal church. Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that it’s very different from what I grew up with. Perhaps it’s just the Gen-X in me that wants to rebel from my parents, but not too much. I can’t say that I didn’t derive much satisfaction from having an episcopal wedding and bringing my staunchly evangelical family into a church they considered dead. I certainly didn’t expect everyone to enjoy it as much as they did. But how could they not have? The spirit was in the chapel that day. I remember Megan and I both being taken aback by the congregation singing “Joyful, joyful we adore thee” at the top of their lungs. I think the acoustics in the small stone church were a lot better than those of a warehouse and you don’t have sing quite so loud to get your voice heard. But the volume affected all of us and put the room in a truly joyful mood. The joy was framed in the context of Megan’s father’s passing which had occurred less than a year before our wedding. This was the church he attended and despite everyone encouraging him to go to a more “hip” and evangelical church, he stayed there because something in the service appealed to him.

I understand what it was that he loved about the Episcopal church. It was that the service appealed to his sense of wonder and awe at the almighty God. This wonder just couldn’t be reflected in a service where you slouch in a chair in a warehouse, sipping coffee and watching the video of the pastor doing “man on the street” interviews on the days sermon topic. Nothing in his choice was about doctrine. It was about experiencing God in a holy yet intimate manner each week. Watching the rector carefully pour out the communion wine so that not a drop should be wasted impresses one with the sense that this ritual is deeply important. It is the way to connect with God. It’s not the same feeling you get from a thimble of grape juice and a soap-flavored, chicklet-sized cracker.

Now that I am broken and hurt by the church that I gave so much of my time and energy to build I want to experience God. I want to experience the kind of God that is in control of the universe—the one that can heal and forgive sins and hand out justice. I have connected with this God in the Episcopal church.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 1:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

With great sadness, I made the decision to leave the church that I’ve been attending for 6 years. There were several factors that lead to my decision but the one that troubles me the most is what I see in churches all over America. They’re too focused on making Christianity palatable to the point of watering down the message. Something that I’ve always felt strongly is that people don’t go to church to be told that everything is okay. People go to church because they find themselves and/or this life messed up and they want help. The church is there, not only to help but to point people to the creator. The basic message of Christianity says, “yes, it’s messed up but I came to make things right… and ultimately all will be made right for eternity.” The disconnect is that from the beginning Christianity has been unpopular mainly because it asks people to change their lives. Jesus said to his followers, “if they hated me, they will hate you.”

And isn’t that what we see in our culture? Christians are seen as relics of an old and bigoted way of life. We are seen as judgmental and stubborn. We stand in the way of the world having fun and being happy. Of course, that’s not the way that I see it but that’s the way that I’m seen by the Hollywood-enlightened-liberal types.

Continue reading "It's not you, it's me... well, no... it's you" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 5:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (50)

I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling happy I post a lot to the Greasy Rag. When I’m sad, I write in my journal. It’s not that I mind sharing my struggles with the world, it’s just that it gets so boring to hear the same thing over and over again. The truth is that America is the land of opportunity; financially speaking but it’s also a land that leaves you no choice - it’s a place where you’re meant to seek your fortune, and if you don’t, you don’t fit in. Eventually, most of us find ourselves in a place where are priorities are not what we want them to be.

Continue reading "The Traps of Materialism" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here is something I struggle with: Jesus told a rich, young, and powerful man that if he wanted to be saved that he needed to sell all of his posessions and give the money to the poor. I’ve heard plenty of preachers explain away this command by saying that it was really only meant for this particular man because he had let money become his God. The cop-out seems fine enough to me except for the fact that most Americans have let money become their god (myself included). I’ve been plagued by the idea that I should be doing more to help the poor. I’ve looked to Christian churches to help me do that. The church seems to simply ask me to give to them and they’ll do the giving. That’s fine & easy, but I still don’t feel that I’m doing my duty to take care of the poor when I just give to the church. After all, only a small percentage of the money that I give to the church actually goes to the truly needy (if any). So next I look to organizations that deal directly with the poor. Many of the organizations are involved in “social justice” which is a term that makes me very uncomfortable because of its political undertones. I just wish I had an example of someone who had a secular job and yet truly seemed to follow God’s call to give to the poor.

Continue reading "Helping the Poor" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 10:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (43) | TrackBacks (1)

If you’ve been a Greasy Rag reader for any length of time, you’ll know that I’m pretty conflicted about how to express my feelings about Faith and about Politics on the same blog. One of my biggest fears with this blog is that I may portray the stereotype that Christian = Republican. I am a Republican and Christian, so how do I get around portraying that they are one and the same? I feel a little better about it if I can direct people over to Emerging City where you’ll find Christians who lean more to the left of the political spectrum who eloquently communicate their positions. Even if you’re not looking for a liberal voice, check it out, because you’ll find people that are from or associate with the marginalized in society and, from that standpoint, is a more authentic voice than I have when it comes to Christ’s command to take care of the poor. That being said, I’d like to give a quick summary of how I have settled on the balance between Faith and Politics:

Continue reading "Faith and Politics" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 8:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (54)

I was reading this from Out in the Sticks and it made me think of an experience I had recently. I went over to the house of some relatives of some friends. They are very open about the fact that they are Mormons. It was the second time I was at their house and I was overwhelmed with the amount of wealth that ran through this family. It wasn’t opulence, just wealth. The conversation was centered about jobs and schemes to make money that were wildly successful and mildly humorous. The fact that they didn’t drink alcohol was brought up many times. The fact that I live in The Ghetto was also brought up many times. They reassured me by letting me know that they thought my choice of neighborhood was very financially savvy. After all, a neighborhood like that can really turn around and you can make a lot of money.

I wrote about the experience in my journal, but instead of continuing to pass judgement I realized that evangelical Christians have pretty much the same values. No wonder it’s so frustrating for Mormons who want to be accepted as simply another Christian denomination. They look at our lives and look at their own lives and think, “we’re the same only we have lower divorce rates.”

To put it as a question of stewardship skirts the issue. It seems to suggest that if we were only better with our finances and better understood our obligation to give to the church then we would truly stand out from our culture and live as Jesus did. Jesus had no posessions. I suspect that Jesus’ recommendation to the wealthy, young merchant to sell all his possessions and give them to the poor would be more the rule than the exception for us. After all, I’m young and wealthy (compared to most the world’s people). Though evangelicals show disdain for the Mormon Church’s “healthy, wealthy, and wise” theology, most of us behave as if we have the same understanding of religion. Be good and give 10% of your income and God will bless you.

Most of Christ’s wrath was directed at the Pharisees and Saducees: the religious leaders of his day. They pretty much behaved the same way most evangelical Christians do (and I include myself in this group): Hoarding most of our wealth and giving out of what we can spare.

Christ had no home. Many nights he didn’t even have a pillow. His future was not secure, financially and it didn’t bother him. He constantly tried to tell his followers not to worry about money - not because he would make them rich, but because he wanted them to have other priorities. He promised to take care of them if they would “seek, first, His Kingdom and His righteouness.”

It’s not your financial balance sheet is a good measure of who you are as a person or a Christian. A better measure is this: If someone came to your house for the first time and spent an afternoon with you, what would they think you’re all about? I’m not even talking about the conversation, I’m talking about your entire lifestyle. What does your home say about your faith? I should properly phrase that, what does my home say about my faith?

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (41)

I read the headline, Bloggers Seek to Mix Faith and the Internet, for an article written by Greg Simmons on foxnews.com. It's clear from the opening two paragraphs that Hugh Hewitt's book, Blog, has influenced the article since he uses the same historical parallel that Hugh used:

WASHINGTON — When Johann Gutenberg's printing press began churning out Bibles in the 15th century, the new technology helped usher in a new era of religion in Europe.

Nearly 600 years later, some think that increasingly popular Web logs — the Internet's version of personal journals, pamphleteering and issue forums all wrapped in one — combined with traditional religious beliefs could once again take people on a new, uncharted course.

What troubled me is the following report:

In terms of the strength of the group as a political force, Christian bloggers don't just talk religion. They spend much of their time discussing current politics, including the nomination of White House counsel Harriet Miers (search) to succeed Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor (search), abortion, intelligent design, the use of "under God" in the classroom and where the Ten Commandments should or shouldn't be placed, among other topics.

I don't know how to walk the fine line between politics and religion. Of course, faith plays a role in our personal political stance, but I'm worried that when individual bloggers who are Christians and conservatives start to organize by holding conferences & forming alliances that we'll end up with communicating the message that Christianity = Conservatism.

I wasn't at the convention. I wish I had the time and money to fly out to California and participate. It would have been a great chance to see my cousins and some old friends. I can't say if politics was emphasized but from the reports I have read, it was not (at least not in an official way). I wish it would have been. Blogs are and will be a wonderful tool for Christians to present treatises on spiritual issues. However, if we as bloggers don't decide early on WHICH message we want to present, we will end up presenting a collective message that you must accept the conservative message as well as the gospel in order to become a Christian. Without intending to, we will, in effect, add to the message of salvation and redemption that Jesus preached.

If you want to see an example of what will happen, look to Colorado Springs and Dr. James Dobson. Here is a man who was doing a wonderful work trying to bring the cultural focus back to Christian values for our families. His organization faithfully presented this message through books, tapes, and the radio. Now Dr. Dobson does not make us think of the family. He makes us think of politics, Karl Rove, and President Bush. I consider it a great failure on his part to even be in the confidence of Bush's political strategist.

The blogs are headed down this same path if we're not careful about choosing the message that we want to present. I'm not trying to say that there shouldn't be Christian bloggers who write about politics. I'm addressing the God-blogs out there with a simple challenge: choose your message. Don't do both politics and spirituality.

Disagree? I'd love to know why. It's an important issue and it needs to be discussed.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (47)

I was reading Lileks' ScreedBlog this morning (a must read, BTW) and he recounted a scene of some protesters in a Minneapolis suburb:

One of the signs, of course, said “Who Would Jesus Bomb.” Never heard that before. Hmm. Well. I think the proper question is “On Whom Would Jesus Levy Porous Sanctions Undermined by Corrupt International Officials Who turned Oil-For-Food Into a Massive Payola Operation for the International Nomenklatura,” but that wouldn’t fit on a sign.

It made me think of how often people attempt to bring Jesus into american politics. Applying WWJD to American Politics is a tough task because Jesus stayed away from politics. Jesus was not a Democrat - nor was he a Republican.

Continue reading "WWJD in American Politics" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 10:35 AM | Permalink

I learned to study the Bible in mega-church. This means that you take a chapter and go through it verse-by-verse and break it down. Breaking it down consists of cracking a number of concordances and Bible dictionaries to get the original Greek definitions, cultural context, and theological interpretation. I've sinced realized that this is not the best way to study the Bible.

Today I got an idea from reading a sample chapter from the 100 Minute Bible. Why not take a chapter (or even an entire book of the Bible) and do the opposite? Summarize it.

There's no need to bury the meaning in pontifications and profound thoughts. It's more important to take the teachings of Jesus and figure out what they really mean. That way we can take the next step of figuring out how it applies to our lives.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 11:50 AM | Permalink

I just bought the new "Switchfoot" ablum. It's still downloading, but I noticed the title to one of the songs: Happy is a Yuppie Word. I know that Dennis Prager has been hammering this point lately. Our culture has set it's highest value on hapiness. Though the culture seems to understand this in a wholistic way, it's still dangerous for our society. The ironic thing about seeking hapiness is that you don't find it by making it your goal. Hapiness comes through making God's work our number one goal. We were made to worship God and to help others. It is only through this that we find true contentment and hapiness. This is what Jesus meant that you have to lose your life in order to find it.

"You have to learn how to die if you want to be alive"
Wilco

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 11:23 AM | Permalink

I guess I feel the same way lileks does about Intelligent Design. It all just seems so silly to me. I mean, really, who cares whether the earth is 20 billion years old or 2000 years old. Does it make us any less or more important? I think many Christians see the idea of evolution as a threat and they think that it's necessary to come up with an intelligent alternative to the theorey.

Personally, I feel that both sides have seriously flawed beginnings of their theories. One the one hand, scientists seem to want to believe in evolution. Thus, we have so many faked pieces of evidence and ridiculous conclusions on legitimate pieces of evidence that makes it easy to poke holes in the theory. For example: Which evolved first? The eye or the part of the brain that takes data from photocells, flips it upside down and arranges it into a 3-D moving picture? I remember challenging my high school biology teacher on a point about evolution that he was making and he got angry and went into a tirade. He ended by saying, "I'm sure, I'm ABSOLUTELY convinced that evolution is true and there's nothing you can say that will change my mind." Me thinks he protesteth too much.

On the other hand, the whole point of Intelligent Design is to piece together an explanation for the same set of facts that is more centered around the presupposition of a creator. The same side feels that to accept the theory of evolution as fact, they must deny their fath.

I remember learning about the scientific process in 7th grade which taught me that the way to prove something is to pose a hypothesis, recreate it in a test tube and see if what happens matches your hypothesis. Next, other people see if they can recreate it in a test tube. Next, other people see if they can change it around to shoot down your theory. Eventually, it's recreated so many times in so many ways that it becomes a law. Until someone can recreate creation, no one can even come close to getting beyond a hypothesis in the matter of the beginning of the earth.

All I know is that I look at the complexity of a cell, the perfect balance of the earth's atmosphere and ecosystems, the properties of water, a sunset, the waves on the ocean, my wife's beautiful smile and I think, "Thank you, God, for making these things." To those that don't see a God in this world I think, "Are you blind?"

Your mind's a machine
It's deadly and dull
It's never been still and its will has never been free
Lightly tapping, high pitched drum
As your spine starts to shine, you shiver at your soul
A fist so clear and climbing punches a hole in the sky
So you can see for yourself if you don't believe me
There's so much less to this than you think

It's almost gone
The night is dissolving
In a cup God lifts to toast the lightening
Lightly tapping, it's high pitched and it hums
Your spine starts to shine and you shiver at your soul
A fist so clear and climbing punches a hole in the sky
So you can see for yourself if you don't believe me
There's so much less to this than you think

Wilco

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 5:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (35)

Eyelids heavy, I slumped into the drivers seat and instinctively reached for "Mem 1". Oh, good, Laura's on. They're going to start running condom ads on primetime, now, and no one even thinks that this is inappropriate. Just great, our culture is going to hell in a handbasket. What kind of world will my child be brought up in? I pulled into the parking space more depressed than when I left. I shuffled up the steps gearing myself up for the array of demands that would be shortly made of me and my tired brain. It wasn't the kind of morning I would like. In fact, I get depressed when I think, "This is my life."

I was trying to find a C.S. Lewis quote to leave a comment on an earlier entry and I ran across the following quote:

"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."

It sorta scared me because I thought that all this mediocre cubicle existence must be of my soul. I went from thinking, "This is my life," to "This is who I am." Then I though to myself, "Why? Why do I have to be like this?" It doesn't matter if I'm sitting in a cubicle or the car or in an orphanage in Nepal -- I am still the boy that God rescued many years ago. We are so much more than what is on the placard outside our cubicle or office (for those that are so fortunate to have an office). It's difficult to keep that in mind, but that's the beauty of a relationship with our creator: He wants to bring us back to who we really are.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Josh of The Beautiful Mistake reveals that their newly released song, Of Human Bondage, does have a connection to the Maugham book of the same name but says that the song is more about the emptiness of lust and promiscuity.

His reply got me thinking about the book and why I am so drawn to the works of Sommerset Maugham. On a superficial level, he is the master of hooking you with the first sentence so that you want to read the rest of the novel. His works are also quite witty. He describes the secret to being a good novelist as being a good observer. This leads to why I'm so drawn to Maugham's writings: he's observed and described the human condition in a way that no other writer has done (that I've read, anyway). Rather than focusing on the plight of the poor, he focuses on the plight of the high social class. In this way, he is able to show that all of us, even given opportunity and money are still mired in self-defeating behavior.

Continue reading "Of Human Bondage (A review of Sommerset Maugham)" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Disclaimer: This entry is of a spiritual/demonic nature and you may want to skip it if you're too creeped out by that sort of thing.

Continue reading "A Freaky Experience During the Night" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A perfect listening experience to go along with the sentiments of my last post is the 1999 self-titled album from Sixpence None the Richer which takes you through all the stages of dissappointment, working out your frustration, and reaching the conclusion I described as "contentment". Here is the lyrics to the final song, Moving On:

It has gotten to my head. Permeates the path I tread. But I tread, I'm moving on in a new and happy song. I can sing about the night, how my tunnel without light Led me to the other side where the sky is blue.

It's all I can do to not let them ruin me. I will not let them ruin me. I will not let them ruin me again.

There is fire inside the tree. Flames of knowing kissing me. I have waited long to see a sign from you.

It's all I can do to not let them ruin me. I will not let them ruin me. I will not let them ruin me again.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 1:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It felt like a dream as I sat around in a circle with the pastor on a quiet sunday morning. We had abandoned the usual Sunday morning service because the blizzard had kept so many from being able to get to church. Those who lived close to the church were treated to an intimate discussion where we could ask the pastor anything we wanted. The word he had just spoken was ringing in my head, "contentment." This was his response to the question, "What does Jesus mean to you?" As he elaborated, I realized the song softly playing in the background was from the movie, Garden State, that I had been pondering all night long.

I couldn't sleep. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately and the addition of some financial stress and a hacking cough had ensured that I wouldn't get more than 2 hours sleep this night. As I lay there, I replayed lines from the movie over and over in my head. The movie isn't particularly profound, which is its strength. It's simply about a young man wrestling with his past and his depression, trying to make sense of life. This is me. The main character, who has lived his life in a constant numbness, finds joy in a girl that he falls in love with and extreme pain in the tragedy of his mother's death. He chooses real life with all of its emotions over the constant life of numbness.

I thought about that as the word, "contentment" kept ringing in my head. I had been looking to Jesus to provide happiness and escape from my troubles and worries. I was only left to doubt God's existence as I ran into one disappointment after another. But I also have had some of the greatest joys a man can ever experience. Why had I not seen it? I am in love with the woman of my dreams. That love has not dissipated, but grows and grows each day of our marriage. Even the trials have brought us closer together. I would not trade the relationship with my wife for all the happiness and money in the world. Why have I not been thankful for that? Why have I not been grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life?

The pastor finished my train of thought, "If I lost it all, the church, the ministry, everything, I would be content just being with Jesus each day. I can't explain to you what that means, it just something you have to experience."

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I called in to the Dennis Prager radio show once and got to speak my mind before millions of listeners. It was a terrifying experience that has kept me from calling in to any radio show since though I listen to plenty of talk radio. Of course, Dennis would have been much more patient and interested in what I had to say but I was calling in to a guest host who was probably wasn't used to dealing with guests who didn't exactly echo his point.

"So what if most of the senators and congressmen have had to quit smoking for their careers?"

"Well, it's only normal for someone who has given up something to be especially judgmental against those who have not given that thing up."

"Uh, Okay, thanks. I don't see what gives THEM the right to tell US what we can and can't do!..."

He missed my point. I wasn't so much defending anti-smoking laws as I was explaining that its human nature to judge another's behavior especially if they have given that behavior up. But this guy had 4 hours to fill with the same monotonous discussion so there is no way he would give it up that easily.

I don't know why humans are so prone to judgment on things we ourselves have dealt with. You'd think we would be understanding on such an issue, but our nature is the opposite. I suppose that's why Christians are known to be judgmental. We leave our old life behind and immediately start speaking out against it. Then again, I, myself, am a Christian who formerly judged others who judge Christians for being judgmental. It's all a vicious cycle.

The religious leaders of Jesus' day were the most judgmental in the society. Jesus easily made fools of them saying, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone."

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 1:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jared Keller of Exultate Justi has a great post on an interview in Christianity Today with Os Guinness.

Guinness had some really profound thoughts on evil and the problem of suffering. If, like me, you were disappointed with other books on the subject (such as Yancy's Where is God When it Hurts?) you might want to check out this book: Unspeakable: Understanding & Resisting Evil in an Age of Genocide & Terrorism. I know I'm going to.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 3:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I read a beautiful story from Chris Smith, currently serving on a YWAM mercy ship.

God has a heart for orphans and widows. James 1:27 sums it up nicely:

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've always loved the thought that God is our provider. Jesus promises that we will be taken care of urging us to "seek, first, the kingdom of God" instead of worrying about what we will eat or what we will wear. He said that God takes care of the birds and dresses the flowers, how much more will He care for humans?

When I come up against the complexities of life, though, I start to doubt whether or not my exact situation qualifies as one that God will provide for. What if my need is not food or clothing, but money to repay a debt? What if my financial troubles are a result of my own poor decision-making? Is God some sort of safety net for me to go out and make bad decisions and know that He'll fix it all if I screw it up?

Continue reading "Jehova Jireh" »

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 8:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I stayed up late watching too much television. This morning, I wanted to fill my head with goodness instead of the filth they purvey on television so I cued up an oldie, but a goody: Undercover (the punk stuff - "God Rules", mind you, not that heavy metal crap they tried for one album).

"Have you heard the latest? Jesus is the greatest. He can save you and I'll tell you something more; you can go to heaven and know for sure..."

"This is cheesy!" My wife proclaimed as she entered the room.

"What are you talking about? That's a classic [...well she's a Jesus girl oh yeah. Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!]"

I was thinking about that on my way to work. When I was young I pretty much stuck to listening to Christian music even though my parents never even suggested those kind of rules. I had an extremely difficult childhood and the messages in that music kept me alive. I remember my oldest brother telling me that he would listen to Christian music if it weren't so cheesy. I think he was referring to the myth the Christian artists don't make as good of music as secular artists. But I also wondered if there isn't an inherent cheesiness to singing about God and goodness? It's cool to be completely devoted to some hot chick only to be dashed by her on the next album. It's not cool to sing about God's redemptive grace.

Christians are now making it cool to sing about God. They're making it cool to write about God.

Any time someone has a message they want to be heard, it's best to frame it in a culturally relevant way. It's best we remember that Jesus was definitely NOT cool. He's described as nothing magnificent to look at. He hung out with losers. Anyone who had an appreciation by society thought low of Jesus. They called him a glutton and a drunk and constantly questioned the company that he kept. Nicodemus was one of the few in the in-crowd that wanted to hear more of his message but he was embarrassed so he went to Jesus in secret to ask him more questions. Paul says this about God's revelations:

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God..."

1 Corinthians 1:27-28

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Electricity has a sound. I pondered this as I sat under some high-powered lines on top of a mountain overlooking the denver basin. How many other things have sound that we never think about?

Some sadistic part of me wanted to climb out and grab on. I wanted to know what it feels like to have the humming and popping sounds coming off my body. In the end I figured I would leave it to my imagination. I had plenty of experience to draw from...

The first job I ever had was working for Dixon Farms in Escondido, CA. They mostly grew carnations and red apple in greenhouses but they had a few cows wandering around a field. My brother, Phil, was already working there and recruited me to help me make a few extra bucks. I wanted a boom box with a tape player that had auto-reverse real bad so I agreed to work nights after Jr. High School. I don't really know what we needed it for, but there was a blow torch in a shed that Phil and I were trying to light.

"I'll hold the torch and open the gas. Just take this striker and make the sparks right above the opening."

Let's just say that I left that night with no eyebrows. Just then Paul Dixon stuck his head in and chided us for screwing around. "Go take those dead carnations and feed them to the cow!" he finished.

In my first-day-on-the-job zeal I volunteered. I tried to toss the carnations under the fence but the cow wouldn't come near. I got on my hands and knees and reached under the fence to toss them closer to the cow. I found out why the cow would not come near the fence. It was my first experience with electrocution. I remember I could feel my bones turning in my flesh for a split-second before I flew back. Phil was laughing hard while I writhed in the after-shock.

Sometimes I just wish I could get a jump start. I wish someone would take the terminals to my chest. "beep. beep. beep. CLEAR! bzzzzzst." Alive.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 3:13 PM | Permalink

I'm always afraid to get too personal on this thing because I feel that I only have 3 readers so why would I want to lose one or two of them out of boredom? This has caused me not to post in quite a long time because my head is buried in the sand too deep for me to have any kind of profundity. A quick perusal for any new postings from Stuart of Belle and Sebastian brought my mind to something other than work and making money. He writes his reflections on a story that C.S. Lewis tells of when he first believed that Jesus Christ actually existed and that he actually died to redeem mankind from sin. Stuart writes:

I wonder, even if it is true, are Christians putting too much importance on it? Too much importance on the life of one man. I?ve never thought of it that way before. Are they romanticising the thing out of proportion? If the Gospel is true, and Christ is our Redeemer, and he died for us, ought it to be the biggest thing in our lives?

I?ve never thought about it that way because I?ve never attained that level of belief. I think at the back of my mind that I assumed it would become the biggest thing in my life if I believed it. I assumed that I would be wearing placards and shouting; reviving soapboxes in the High Street.

It causes me to think about my own faith and believe. You see, I believe all that stuff. At least that's what I say I believe. But then I think about what Stuart concludes when he thinks about the severity of that belief: Wouldn't it cause you to leave your whole life behind to serve Christ, the redeemer? Well, yes, it should. Oh sure, I take a few weeks out of the year in service, but what about the rest of the year? That time is spent occupying a cube and suckling on my paycheck so I can have a side-by-side refridgerator.

I guess I feel like the rich guy who asked Jesus what he needed to do to be saved. After Jesus told him that he should sell all his posessions he must have thought, "oh sure, that's easy for YOU to say..." Well, it was easy for Jesus to say that, but then he lived the kind of life that proved that he practiced what he preached. Now the gauntlet is thrown down to the rest of us who believe. Are you going to walk your walk?

No, Christians are not putting too much importance on their belief in Christ. Christians aren't putting enough importance on it -- myself included.

Posted by Senator Pete Larson at 2:06 PM | Permalink